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1/31/13 Crossfit workout -— Grateful that I got to start my day out healthy with a hard workout
Today was one of those days, the kind of day where you are hyperaware of where you were this day exactly two years ago.
Today I took care of myself. And by that I mean that I treated myself, did what I wanted and gave myself a much needed break. I also reflected on the past (two years), present and my future.
Two years ago, I underwent surgery—my first and only thus far. It was a huge, life changing day, in so many confusing ways. It took away pain I had been experiencing for months, it took away two of my organs, and it ultimately took away any semblance of adolescence I had left. It gave me a six inch scar, an eight week recovery, and ultimately, a cancer diagnosis. 2011, the year that marked my quarter century existence on this earth, was so very humbling. I had no idea that this surgery would begin a nine month battle
On January 31, 2012, on my one year anniversary, I felt overwhelming guilt and fear. I was a mere four months out from treatment and had lived in Austin for just as long. I felt guilty for being healthy, for getting away too easy (although my treatment was anything but easy). I was also terrified, terrified that I’d have to undergo treatment again but mostly terrified that I wouldn’t be able to live long enough to achieve my dreams and goals. Cancer really lights a fire under your ass.
So on January 31, 2013, I decided to choose to live rather than spend the day in fear. And in my typical fashion, I chose to torture myself a little bit and then treat myself. I started the day, at 5:30 am, with a challenging Crossfit workout. I pushed myself especially hard during the workout as I meditated on the weakness and helplessness I felt during my treatment. Upon finishing, I headed outside to get some fresh air, catch my breath and was treated to watching the sun come up. I spent the morning taking a long, restorative nap (that was much needed after a sleepless week), spoiled my dogs a bit, and then headed to my jewelry class. It was a perfect day—torturing, restorative, and creative.
As I mentioned, I also spent time reflecting on my present and future. I am satisfied with what I’ve accomplished in the past 1.5 years but I am not at all content. I have high hopes for the next year and plan to come back one year from now and reflect on this post—my activities, feelings and accomplishments on this day.
Tell us: What is the biggest challenge you’ve faced? How did you use it for positive change?
-JCM
